10 Things That Don't Turn Women On

I am writing this blog because it has come to my attention that there are some basics that a lot of men just don't know about or don't understand.  While I would like to think most men get the basics, I am reminded daily by women who mail me and prove me wrong.  This blog post is dedicated to these frustrated women.

1. First let me state, women for the most part are not visually stimulated.  I know a lot of men don't grasp this because there are a lot of texts out there that men have sent with pictures of their penis.  I had a guy email me that he was doing this to turn his girlfriend on and just didn't get why she didn't respond.  A picture of a Vagina or a hot naked girl may get you going, but a penis picture just doesn't do it for us.  We don't care how big or magnificent it is.  We know you adore it, but we just want to feel it work, not gaze upon it.

2. That brings me to penis worship.  There are some of you that think of your Penis as an individual bordering on Devine.  There are guys out there that even ask us to acknowledge their penis accordingly.  In other words, they actually say things like "Aren't you doing to say hey to Mr. Woody?"  Seriously, you think we want to talk to your penis?

3.  Pushing on our heads, pushing us down.  This drives most of us crazy.  We know you love a blow job, and most of us are more than willing.  We would rather do it at our pace though.  Being pushed down just feels yuck is the only way I can describe it.  If you do this often, I bet your woman is rarely in the mood.  The pushing makes us think it's all about you.  Consider telling her what you want instead.

4.  Groping or grabbing on us.  You know how you walk up to us and squeeze our breasts or grab our ass.  It's not a turn on.  Yes it can be playful, but most women just don't like it, at all.  A playful slap on the ass sure, but all that groping while we are busy doing something else can be annoying.  We don't want to be in the men's locker room, really we don't.

5.  Locking ankles behind ears is not a turn on for most women.  It goes back to the visual thing again.  We understand you like the view.  The fact is, most women are not at ease with their bodies.  When in this position, they don't feel very attractive.  They are not thinking of how good it feels.  They are thinking how fat they look with their belly pushed up like that.

6.  Poor hygiene.  This one is huge.  Little things turn women off.  I had one woman mail me about her hot boyfriend.  He was a stud in her eyes, until she saw an accumulation of wax in his ear.  She could not bring herself to have sex with him.  Sure he could have just had an ear infection, but the damage was done.  You body scent and breath are important too.  A little sweat is ok, but if you haven't bathed in days, we can smell it.  Bad breath is also a big turnoff.  While I love a hard working rugged man, I don't really want him in my bed until he bathes.

7.  No foreplay.  I am amazed at the frustrated women who complain about this.  Countless complaints here.  Some men go straight for the sweet spot with no warm up.  If it's not wet, it can actually hurt or be very uncomfortable.  Then there is the man that thinks because it's wet, it's time to insert the penis.  We love foreplay, don't skimp on this.

8.  Telling us when to cum or asking us are we cumming or asking did we cum.  The pressure that puts on us.  Most of us can't cum on command.  If you want us to come on command, I suggest you look into David Shade's program, Erotic Hypnosis.  It works and could be fun.  Otherwise, forget it.  Don't pressure us to orgasm, it's a sure way to make sure we don't.

9.  Breasts.  All women differ hear.  Some like them to be caressed softly, some like them to be handled roughly.  Some like them licked, some like them sucked.  If you suck on a woman who prefers licking, you will turn her completely off. Don't assume that your current woman likes what your previous woman does.  Ask her, find out how she likes to be touched.

10.  When a woman says no she means no.  A lot of men act like they don't hear her.  He makes his move and she turns him down, yet he keeps trying. He continues to make verbal hints or continues to attempt to fondle her. When she says no, respect this. It's just annoying when you won't take no for an answer. Worse if you cop an attitude or complain because you aren't going to get any.  Do you really not care if she wants to or not?  

All women are different.  Going at your woman with what worked on the last one is not wise.  Take the time to find out what she likes.  Pay attention.  She gives off clues if she isn't comfortable yet telling you what she likes.  Listen to her breathing.  Watch her complexion.  If you could feel or hear her heartbeat, that tells you when she is about to climax.  It gets very rapid.  Not all of the above things turn all women off, just most.  We are all unique.  Learn our bodies individually and you will have a happy woman.

  The Secrets of Female Sexuality
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The Big Mistake Good Men Often Make in Bed

There are a lot of good men out there.  They sincerely care if their partner gets pleasure from sex.  They learn what works on their woman and they make sure they do it to bring her to orgasm.  This is a good thing right?  Yes, of course, but and there is a but, not if it becomes the way you go about sex each and every time.  I call it the race to orgasm. 

I know a lot of good men who complain that their woman is rarely in the mood for sex.  Could that be because she feels the pressure of having that orgasm.  Let me see if I can explain.  The most obvious is that the sex may be too predictable and she is bored.  The less obvious is the pressure feeling.  In other words, when a man knows what works and he enters the bedroom with the intentions of doing this, she feels pressure to cum.  The sexual experience starts out in her mind as she knows exactly what he is going to do, and she knows he is doing it to get to the end result.  Her orgasm, then he goes on to get his.  This kind of sex is usually over in a few minutes. 

Most men already know that sex for a woman starts in the mind.  They don't all unfortunately understand how complex this is.  Women suffer from performance anxiety in an entirely different way than men do.  Men strive to bring women to orgasm while women strive to orgasm for their men.  This is a huge pressure on women, especially since a lot of women just don't reach orgasm that easily.  Going into the bedroom with this in her mind is enough to create a trigger in her that causes her to not be in the mood.  It's can create a sense of dread. 

So that is where a lot of good men make a big mistake in bed. They unknowingly put the pressure on a woman to perform.  How many men out there desire a screamer in bed?  A lot.  The screamer strokes his ego and makes him feel he is doing a good job.  Women are under more pressure than a lot of men realize in bed.  When women focus on trying to achieve orgasm it often has the reverse effect. 

A woman's sexuality and sensuality are very different that a mans.  I could give you many examples.  One for instance is if a woman is in the middle of an orgasm and you stop doing what you are doing, it will stop, she just stops coming.  That is a frustrating thing for a woman.  A man on the other hand, once he starts coming, an earthquake won't stop it.

Do you really and I mean really understand a woman's sexuality? 

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Why She Doesn't Want to Have Sex

I hear many men say their wives or girlfriends just lost interest in sex.  They wonder why.  In the beginning it seemed all hot.  Though it is natural for the sex to slow down some, often it's more to it than something to just be accepted as normal.  It usually boils down to boredom or the fact that it starts to feel like a chore or obligation for a woman.

One of two things happen over time.  The sex is always the same and even though she may experience orgasms, it often feels like to her, that is the man's main goal.  Don't get me wrong, it is a goal and one that yes you should absolutely have.  On the other hand if you go at it like a job, just trying to get her to cum, a lot get lost.  Women connect through sex emotionally.  If you aren't giving her that emotional fulfillment, all the orgasms in the world will be lost.  If she feels like you are going about it like you are fixing a car or mowing the lawn, it's just not so much fun anymore, not to mention it leaves a void.

Men often get carried away with the sex, meaning they start to feel very arroused and we women feel pressure to hurry up and cum.  The true sign of this.  If after she reaches an orgasm, you immediately go for getting yours.  While it's nice that you please us first, it starts to feel like the end goal was in fact your pleasure.  Next time your woman climaxes, stop, take your time.  You might be surprised as she reaches a second climax.  We want you to get yours, we really do, but we don't want to feel like we have to hurry up and cum. 

I was involved once upon a time with a man who had been married previously for 30 years.  He was a wonderful man.  After our relationship turned sexual though, I completely understood why he hadn't been getting sex in his marriage.  He was like a kid in a candy store.  It became all about how many ways he could cum.  Yes he pleased me, but I often felt like that was just a by product of his sexual pleasure.  I began to feel cheap.  He wanted me to do some weird stuff.  He put pressure on me and went about getting his weird stuff from the perception of a man.  Women don't think like men when it comes to sex.

I can guarantee a woman would be more likely to do many things for you if she didn't feel like sex always had to be the end result.  Take the pressure off of her, and the sex will come.  She may enjoy rubbing your back, but she doesn't feel inclined to do so because men often translate this kind of touching to she wants it NOW and this isn't always the case.  What she wants is the connection.  Give her that, you will get the sex.

It's the man coming up behind his wife in the kitchen thing.  He humps on her as she washes dishes.  To him, this can be a turn on and he gets an erection.  I can assure you very few women get wet being humped on from behind in the kitchen.  In fact it annoys most women to no end because she now knows he wants sex.

In summary, slow down cowboy.  Take it easy and slow.  Don't go straight for the spot.  There are times when yes that may be appropriate, as there are times when a quickie is just fine.  For the most part though, going straight for the spot and working to make her cum just feels like something is missing.  You aren't in touch with our true sexuality and that is something we all wish you men would take the time to do.  Understand our sexuality.

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Two Huge Mistakes Men Make in Bed

There are two mistakes that men make in bed that I would imagine there isn't a woman around that can't relate to.  If when talking to their girlfriends and the subject comes up, they will all sigh in unison, trust me.  We have all had these two mistakes done to us more than once.

The First Biggest Mistake That Men Make in Bed

You may be doing something really well.  You could be going down on her or stroking her or you may be pounding her like there is no tomorrow and it's feeling really good.  The mistake here is that you stop doing what is feeling really really good to her.  Why you stop, we don't know, but in that moment, we want to just shoot you, trust me.  We get frustrated and it feels just awful.  There is nothing worse than being on the brink or orgasm and you stop and go to something different.  The entire momentum is interrupted.  Unlike men, who once orgasm starts, it won't stop, we are left hanging.  You are going to explode even if your mama walks in.  Not us women, doesn't work that way.  Stimulation stops, so does the orgasm.  Just ughhh.

It would really serve you guys well to pay attention here to her breathing and heart rate and her complexion.  They are very telling as to where she is at.  Right before orgasm, a woman can feel her heart just beating very rapidly.  Hell I can hear it in my ears and it baffles me that you as a man can't pick up on this.  If you are thinking that "She is enjoying this so much, let me see what else I can do she might enjoy more", drop that mentality.  If it's working, let her cum, then go onto something else and give her another orgasm.



The Second Biggest Mistake Men Make in Bed

A mistake that men make in bed often is that they get stuck in a spot doing it all wrong.  Maybe they are rubbing her clit or going down on her as mentioned above, but they are in the wrong place or putting on too much pressure or not enough.  Maybe they are rubbing or licking the lower half of her clit and she likes to have the upper part stimulated.  Men do this for one of two reasons. 

1.  They want her to hurry up and cum because they are too excited and ready to cum themselves. 

2.  They don't care or know any better.  They really don't know what their woman prefers.  All women are not alike and don't respond to the same thing.  When a man goes straight for the spot and starts rubbing away before it's even wet, he has a long road ahead of him to making her cum more times than not.  It downright can hurt and pain does not result in orgasm. 

If one of those two reasons don't resonate with you, you can bet that is how she feels.  Women often worry that it takes them too long to cum and that you are getting tired or not enjoying it.  Put that pressure on a woman and find it's going to take her that much longer to reach orgasm, if she even can.  Many women can't or don't orgasm because they don't feel their men really are that interested in her orgasm.  This is when they may start to fake it, because it's turning into work.  This is when they start getting a lot of head aches or aren't in the mood. It's a vicious cycle. 

Break this cycle please before she starts to fantasize about another man.  Don't make her have to finish herself off in those few minutes it takes you to go to the bathroom and piss after sex. 

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Getting Her In The Mood

I often hear men who have been in a relationship for a while of are married complain that they rarely get sex anymore.  We get comfortable and the fact is, it does take effort to keep that spice alive.  If you come home every day and do the same thing such as park you ass in front of the TV, it gets dull.  Not to mention a man parked in front of a TV everyday does lose some of his appeal.

Men can go from zero to ready in a flash.  We can grab your penis and you are there.  You try grabbing our Vagina or ass though and I promise you won't get the same result.  It's a known fact that a woman has to be in the right mindset to want to have sex and be turned on.  So many men focus on her body to turn her on, when the focus should be on her mindset.

Last night my boyfriend and I were on Youtube listening to different types of music.  Like most men, his requests were of hard rock, classic rock and a few country drinking songs.  While those songs are great and have their place, my selection was quite different.  I was listening to Leon Russell's Lady Blue, Van Morrison's Someone exactly like you, Bozz Skaggs' Look What You've done to me and other such romantic slow blues type music.  I realized that this type of music relaxed me and put me in a more loving, lovemaking mood.

This music can stimulate our tired minds, calm us and the result is our mindset starts to change.  My one tip to help your woman and to getting her in the mood for today is to create a playlist with these type of songs and when the time is right, pop in the cd and just relax, have a glass of wine with your woman with this background music.  She not only will appreciate the fact that you did this for her, she will delight in the music itself.  Women are suckers for romantic songs   Take it up a notch, and dance with her in the living room or kitchen.

Another way if you have one of those high tech phones is to randomly text her these songs throughout the day.  I promise she will love you for it and you will reap the rewards of making your woman feel romantic.  Women love romance, always have, always will.  If you are leaving the romance out of your build up to sex, no wonder you aren't getting any.

Turning Women On

Masterful Lover? What About Him?

What is a Masterful Lover? A man that can bring a woman to multiple orgasms. A man that can tune into his woman, make her feel a level of comfort and freedom where she just lets go. A man that understands it's not just skill, but it's mental for a woman. Orgasm starts in her mind. A masterful lover will be able to bring his woman to many orgasms, both vaginal and clitoral.

A Masterful Lover is rare. Most men stop at the first orgasm. The majority of men will bring their women to orgasm first, then they get theirs and it's over. Few take it to the levels that a woman is capable of reaching. Even fewer understand this or know that women are capable of so much more.

I recently interviewed with David Shade, the man responsible for teaching and educating men about being a Masterful Lover. It was quite and interesting two hours as he probed and prodded me about the lovers in my past. Sad thing, I only really have had one Masterful Lover. I have had many a good lover, but only one Masterful Lover. Until my interview, I never really thought about it, but boy have I dreamed about it. Fantasized about it as all women do.

Seems my one Masterful Lover to this day, I don't know how or why he stood out above the others, but he did. Now I wonder was he one of David's students. I may never know.

Almost all women do dream about this man that is so rare. We all would love to not be able to get out of bed after sex from exhaustion and legs shaking, trembling. It rarely happens. Men do the same thing almost every time. They find something that gets their women off and they stop searching for other ways to please her. It becomes predictable.

Do you have any idea how many women lay in bed and masturbate after their lover is "finished" or has went to the bathroom. Yep, we do. We may have even had an orgasm, but we can masturbate while you are taking a quick piss and have another orgasm in less than a minute. We all do it, bet you didn't know that did you.

We don't feel comfortable more times than not sharing these things, because frankly we worry that you will think we are abnormal. Not all women are comfortable asserting themselves, few are. It's up to you to get in her head and really please her in bed.

Often when we do assert ourselves we are met with a negative response. I remember a huge fight one night with a man. He asked me to leave and said it wasn't all about sex. He was right about that of course, but what really happened there is I wounded his ego. I perhaps didn't communicate it correctly. I wasn't saying he didn't please me. I was saying he could please me more. What a nightmare, makes a woman want to keep her mouth shut.

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About Female Ejaculation

According to Wikepedia female ejaculation is as follows. Female ejaculation (commonly known as gushing, cumming or squirting[1]) refers to the expulsion of noticeable amounts of clear fluid by human females from the paraurethral ducts through and around the urethra during or before an orgasm. The exact source and nature of the fluid continues to be a topic of debate among medical professionals and is related to doubts over the existence of the G-Spot.

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I am not so sure what there is to actually to debate about female ejaculation. I have experienced it. So to me there is nothing to debate. It is surely a g-spot thing. From a woman's perspective though, it can be a touchy thing, meaning some men are turned on by it, some are turned off by it. I mean do you warn the man prior to sex or just surprise him? Some women are embarrassed by it, some are not.

I am no expert in this area by any means, but do know a quite a few women who can do this. One thing they all have in common is they are all over 40 so maybe it has something to do with being more in tune with you body which is more common in older women.

Another thing these women capable of female ejaculation have in common that I know is it does happen during intercourse generally, it is g-spot related and they are usually very comfortable with their partner, meaning they trust him.

The comfort with their partner is important, because if you don't know this already, orgasm for a woman is in her mind. If her mind is not in the right place, it won't happen. It's up to you to get her in the right place in her mind for her to reach a female ejaculation orgasm.

If you are a good lover, you probably would love to be able to bring your woman to this intense level of pleasure. I assure you it is intense and quite different from a clitoral orgasm or vaginal orgasm. If she has never experienced female ejaculation, she is missing out.

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Once a woman does experience female ejaculation, she usually doesn't look back and it can and will become a common thing for her. It's up to you though to help her get there.

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What Women Want in Bed

This is the question men ask all the time. There are over 3600 searches daily just in the local area here alone. Are you guys getting the answers? I think most men think they already know what women want in bed, but the sad truth is most of them really don't.

How do I know this? Because I coach hundreds of women about love and relationship. 90% or more are with a man that they so wish knew more. They don't tell them because to be honest, one of the things women want most in bed is a man in charge, a man that just knows and is open to exploring and encouraging her to be the tiger inside.

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Thing is so many men say that communication is the key. It's not. Sure it helps but it is not the key. The key is understanding a woman's sexuality. Understanding that sex is in her mind and how exactly this relates to what women want in the bedroom.

I challenge you to answer the following questions honestly.

Is your sexlife like a broken record, same thing everytime. Sure she has an orgasm but is it the almost the same everytime

Do you usually initiate sex and she rarely if ever does.

Do you ever turn her down when she comes to you for sex?

Do you think your partner has no sexual fantasies?

Do you not touch her hair, her face and look into her eyes while making love?

Do you neglect her other basic body parts, neck, arms, thighs, even feet?

Does sex always start in the bedroom and never outside of it?

Do you think she just wants to have an orgasm and teasing would not be all that welcomed?

Does she ever have to lay there for a while to catch her breath afterwards?

Do you stop at her one orgasm? Do you think that her orgasm means it's over? Is her one orgasm you single goal?

Do you know if your woman has a submissive or dominant nature in the bedroom.

If you answered yes to 3 or more of these questions, you do not know what women want in bed, sorry but you just don't.

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A woman is capable of extreme pleasure, multiple orgasms and wild passion. Talking to here about it is not going to wake her up. She craves and desires a masterful lover. She dreams about it.

Just the dominant/submissive question alone speaks volumes. I have been with a few men in my lifetime and until recently, not a one ever knew I prefer the submissive role in the bedroom. They all thought they knew me, but never really did. The lovers in my past would be shocked to know this about me actually. I never told them to be honest because there wasn't a single one that would have gotten it.

This doesn't mean they were bad lovers, I have had the orgasms, but they weren't great lovers. A great lover knows these things instinctively because he is in tune with a woman's sexuality. A great lover awakens something primal in his partner. Can you do this. He has taken the time to learn what women want in bed.

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Does your partner respond to you like this video clip. You can be she wants too? If you have never seen this movie, well let me summarize. Mickey Rourke knew how to push the buttons in Kim Bassinger's mind to get her to show him what it was she really really wanted in bed. This is a masterful lover.

Female Fantasies

When I ask men if they think women fantasize about sex as much as men, most say no. Let me tell you that is far from the truth. A woman's fantasy is often more complex, more thought out than a mans. Female fantasies can go on for days in her mind. It's what she calls to mind when she masturbates or pleasures herself.

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If you think they are all pure, such as being swept off into the sunset, think again. Women fantasize about all kinds of things, but with women there is usually a plot.

Some of the common female fantasies include the rape fantasy, the gyno fantasy, and almost every woman has fantasized about another woman going down on her. I doubt there is a woman alive who hasn't had this fantasy. The forced orgasm is another fantasy.

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If you think you know what goes on in your woman's mind, I would wager that you don't. Women don't tell their men more times than not because the men don't make them feel safe to do so. They fear his reaction or that he may think she is perverted or be turned off by it.

It's a shame really, because we keep them locked inside and a females fantasy if shared can take her to new heights in the bedroom. Just being able to share it with you alone opens her up more and makes her feel safe and able to let loose with you like you only dream about or see in the porn flicks.

So many men think they know all about women and what turns them on when in fact they know very little. I am not saying you are a terrible lover, but I know a woman who's partner gives her orgasms without even touching her. This can be done, because sex for a woman is in her mind.

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If you haven't been exploring your woman's female fantasies, you are missing out on one of the most heightened sex life you could imagine. The best lover I ever had embraced my fantasies and I have yet to find another that could compare.

Female fantasies are powerful for women. We are stimulated in our minds. Read us an erotic story over showing us pictures any day and see what happens.

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If you aren't improving your sex life and you are wondering why it's so dull, don't always blame the woman, because you don't know what you don't know. Women, all women are capable of multiple orgasms. Is your woman experiencing them?

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How to Make a Woman Scream In Bed

Well this subject interests me. I have asked a lot of women if they are screamers and let me tell you, most are not. I have talked to hundreds of women and two said they had been with men that made them scream in bed. So here is the question. Is it just not common that women scream in bed or is it that they just haven't been taken to that level. So is it the woman or the man who is responsible here.

Now another view here. Those porn flicks. All the women scream in those. Is this normal? Is it just acting? Do men watch these and just think it's the norm when it's not? I personally haven't really screamed like an ape or anything like those women in those flicks do. Does that mean my man isn't doing it right? Could a man who hasn't ever had a woman scream in bed, learn how to bring her to that point?

Now these same women who said they had never screamed in bed did say however, that some men just did it for them more than others. They had been breathless, had multiple orgasms and were out of control. The just didn't scream.

Let's explore another angle. Don't you think we feel a little silly screaming in bed? I mean if we aren't super confident, this is going to be a chore here to let lose and shout out an ear piercing scream. We have to be really comfortable with you to do this, I can assure you.

I would venture so far as to say if you have a screaming woman in bed and it's the first time, she just faked it on you big time.

Do I think men can probably learn how to make a woman scream in bed. Yes I do. I think he better be willing to put in some time and effort though and learn a few skills. I am not so convinced that every woman will be able to scream in bed, but I am convinced that every woman can have what she describes as a screaming orgasm.

How to Touch a Woman to Turn Her On

Seems like a simple thing doesn't it? Touching a woman that is. Well if they all were alike, it would be, but they aren't. What does it for one woman, doesn't work on another.

If you want to turn her on you have to be able to really pay attention. Don't think that going straight for the sweet wet spot is all there is to it. There is so much more to it. Women have many pleasure zones. If you want to really turn her on, explore her body and find her zones.

There is nothing more frustrating to a woman than to be making out and he goes straight down south with his hands or fingers. Foreplay really is the key. If you take the time to find out her hot spots and linger there prior to going for the kitty, her orgasm is going to come quicker and be stronger.

The neck and ears are usually a sure place to kiss or touch. Spend time there. Don't do a hit and run. You can tell if a woman is enjoying your touch by how she reacts. I swear so many men get caught up in their own pulsing penis that they just miss her body signal by a mile. Listen to her breathing, is she moaning a little? Pay attention. If she gets stiff, she isn't liking your touch.

The lower abdomen is also usually a sure bet, I mean really low. Rub her softly about 4 inches below her belly button. Try different pressures. Soft and go harder, test her breathing. Which touch does she respond to. Some like it gentle, some like it rough. Don't assume she is like your last girlfriend, she isn't. Inner thighs seem to be a hot spot also.

Now how can I write this blog post and not mention breasts? No way. Fact is some women are stimulated by touching, kissing, licking, sucking the breasts and some are not. Know if she is or isn't. If a woman has really sensitive breasts, this causes her discomfort and it will be a turn off, not a turn on.

Bottom line, explore different places, different degrees of touch, soft hard and PAY ATTENTION. All women are not created equal. If you want to intensify her orgasms, take your time, learn her body and don't just hop on and hump away as soon as she gets wet or shows signs of arousal. Tease and please her.